Some things never change. I’m convinced this type of issue started long before the invention of the telephone. In fact, I would love to hear conversations between Alexander Graham Bell and his stressed-out wife. “You invented the telephone — and you still don’t call me?”
In medieval times, I imagine a lady, bedecked in gold embroidered silk and pearls, bemoaning to her knight, “Alas! Whither hast thou been? And why can’st thou not send even a carrier pigeon?”
Or a Japanese young miss, kneeling in a kimono, eyes demurely downcast, sending this message to her bethrothed suitor, “My samarai father wants to know why your secretarial emissaries haven’t yet arrived.”
I was speaking to Lipsologist Ariana Lightningstorm about this very issue. We were talking about women in their seventies, eighties and beyond who still ask this question. “Why doesn’t he call?”
Whenever I ask my guy about this, he just shrugs and responds, “Why didn’t YOU call me?” That completely misses the point.
The point is that most women feel an angst far beyond logic. Here’s one example. I know a woman who hadn’t dated much for awhile. Then, just like that — she met “the guy.” He knew during their first encounter that she was “the one.”
He’s exactly who I saw coming into her life. The wise counselor in me soothes her. “Yes, he still adores you (a few hours after your last fantastic date and before you see him tomorrow.) I smile. “I know, I know, he hasn’t called. But I truly sense that he’s holding back, just being polite.”
My words are of limited solace. “But WHY hasn’t he called?,” she says, as if she hadn’t just heard me. She frets until they meet. He always has a good (and highly romantic) reason for his absence. Once, he showed her a collection of poems she’d inspired (written when she worried about him not calling.)
But I admit — I’m bad, too. Yesterday, when my phone rang, I jumped. I’d been counseling a woman whose romance was accelerating. As the phone rang, these words sprang to mind, “Is the wedding off?” Then logic kicked in. “How can their wedding be “off” if it’s not even “on” yet?”
I’d love your opinion. How can women and men best communicate? What do you think? “Why hasn’t he called?” Can you weigh in? Do you have your own stories? Ask your guy what he thinks. Send your reasons, by posting here — or privately by email via my Lipsology website at http://www.read-my-lipstick.com.
I truly believe in strong women who don’t wait around. But I value great communication between couples, too!