Why Doesn’t He Call?

m2o7redOEgOqmhwvtqOIJnQBubble gum alert! As a lipsologist, I hear this phrase a lot, “Why doesn’t he call?”

Some things never change. I’m convinced this type of issue started long before the invention of the telephone. In fact, I would love to hear conversations between Alexander Graham Bell and his stressed-out wife.  “You invented the telephone — and you still don’t call me?”

In medieval times, I imagine a lady, bedecked in gold embroidered silk and pearls, bemoaning to her knight, “Alas! Whither hast thou been? And why can’st thou not send even a carrier pigeon?”

Or a Japanese young miss, kneeling in a kimono, eyes demurely downcast, sending this message to her bethrothed suitor, “My samarai father wants to know why your secretarial emissaries haven’t yet arrived.”

I was speaking to Lipsologist Ariana Lightningstorm about this very issue. We were talking about women in their seventies, eighties and beyond who still ask this question. “Why doesn’t he call?”

Whenever I ask my guy about this, he just shrugs and responds, “Why didn’t YOU call me?”  That completely misses the point.

The point is that most women feel an angst far beyond logic. Here’s one example. I know a woman who hadn’t dated much for awhile. Then, just like that — she met “the guy.” He knew during their first encounter that she was “the one.”

He’s exactly who I saw coming into her life. The wise counselor in me soothes her. “Yes, he still adores you (a few hours after your last fantastic date and before you see him tomorrow.) I smile. “I know, I know, he hasn’t called. But I truly sense that he’s holding back, just being polite.”

My words are of limited solace. “But WHY hasn’t he called?,” she says, as if she hadn’t just heard me. She frets until they meet. He always has a good (and highly romantic) reason for his absence. Once, he showed her a collection of poems she’d inspired (written when she worried about him not calling.)

But I admit — I’m bad, too. Yesterday, when my phone rang,  I jumped. I’d been counseling a woman whose romance was accelerating. As the phone rang, these words sprang to mind, “Is the wedding off?”  Then logic  kicked in. “How can their wedding be “off”  if it’s not even “on” yet?”

I’d love your opinion. How can women and men best communicate? What do you think?  “Why hasn’t he called?”  Can you weigh in? Do you have your own stories?  Ask your guy what he thinks. Send your reasons, by posting here — or privately by email via my Lipsology website  at http://www.read-my-lipstick.com.

I truly believe in strong women who don’t wait around. But I value great communication between couples, too!

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One thought on “Why Doesn’t He Call?

  1. One thing we women need to understand is that the guy often thinks that not calling super quickly is normal and respectful. There’s some really excellent advice to be had at the soulmate summit http://soulmatesummit.net/online-course/ web page and Arielle Ford is a really insightful and helpful gal on these kinds of subjects. Being also a Rebirther I suggest to gals (and some guys) that are stressing about that call that what is REALLY going on is an internal dialogue revolving around worthiness, loss, or some fear-based thinking. What I recommend is to look at what you are thinking. What is the negative thought that is causing your anxiety about that call? Write it down and look at it. Be honest and direct! It’s not (he may not call)… It’s he isn’t going to call because… That “because” and whatever follows it is your negative thought about yourself in this situation. Take that thought and change it to what you want it to be. Here’s an example.
    he isn’t going to call because I’m just not good enough.
    Your negative thought is “I’m not good enough”.
    Change that thought to I am enough for me and more than enough for the right guy!
    Another example (my own). He won’t call because I’m too fat and he’s probably disgusted with my body.
    Positive thought…
    I am just right for me!
    I am right for the man in my life.
    and
    I LOVE me exactly as I am and will love ME as I change, too.
    and
    My man LOVES me exactly as I am now and will love me as I change, too!
    Please don’t put a specific person’s name in your affirmation because then you are doing black magic or thought manipulation to that person. Just focus on the right man (or woman) for you (no specifics – just generally the right one) and whomever that REALLY is. EVEN BETTER – don’t focus on others at all until you can honestly say you love yourself just as you are right now. Say it a lot! That will get you further than you might have thought possible!

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